v'Dodi Li

Scrabbling for you

In the dust

The dirt under my nails

The scrape of shifting pebbles

Solid

Falling away as quickly as I perceive them

Looking for the Light

Yet here I am

In the coolness

The darkness

Of the earth

I have to laugh

How have you intoxicated me so?

Just near enough to drive me mad

With greater longing

I would not

Cannot give you up

I tremble

I whine

I groan

in desperation

And then a spark, a flash,

You shine there, just there in my periphery,

So close that

I shake my fist in confidence

And dance in exaltation

I trace your footprint on the path

And then fall back bewildered and lonely

Straining to find the direction of Your Voice

But echoes bounce and it is hard to tell

I move forward inexorably though

This heavy search, the longing is enough sometimes

Because it reminds me

How could I desire you this much

If you were never there?

My tears fall like sparkling diamonds

Will they  make a worthy diadem?

My Heart is Dancing

Fall and winter have always been my favorite times of year.  I am made for cooler weather.  I love the deep and quietly fading beauty of autumn and the austerity and stillness of winter.  It makes me feel more alive and this year is no different.  Each day I spend so much time drinking in the view, watching the panoramic spectacle of the leaves changing colors outside my window.  The sun is coming down, to the ground, in wiggling droplets, through the woods behind my house, no longer buoyed up by the thick, green leaves of summer.  My garden bed is spent.  Only the leafless stalks remain in the cool, wet dirt.

I go out everyday with Cub, trying not to waste these last days that are warm enough for playing in the park or strolling down sidewalks window shopping or weekend hayrides.  As night comes quicker and cooler...we are making our peace and saying goodbye to our sweet summer together.  Goodbye to the heat and sweat and buzzing bees and wasps and hot kiss of sun on face and arms and the nape of the neck.  Goodbye long days and waiting for tomatoes and watering the flowers.  Goodbye to sunny weekend trips and time spent at the lake and summer weddings and parties.

This time last year, I held Cub in my arms, nearly all the time.  Now he wriggles down and walks proudly and boldly wherever he wants to go.  I have to laugh!  It seems that time moves forward slowly, but the backward glance is the blink of an eye.  In the blink of an eye the still time of the year has come again.  I am eagerly anticipating the gifts that await; mornings spent with my family sipping hot chocolate, maybe a snow or two for sledding down our hill, the oven hot and steady, baking love in the shape of cookies while care simmers on the stovetop in my beef stew.  Drawing close under blankets as we read stories together under the inky black of winter night, all a-shimmering with icy stars.  Joy, joy everywhere.  I pray we are all less sick this winter.  I give thanks for the family and friends that give my life purpose.  My heart is dancing, what about yours?