Do Over

So, I am making a large rug for my living room by stitching together several smaller ones. I will tell about this project in another post...but right now, I want to talk about something else. I stitched together 9 rugs. It has been time consuming and a bit laborious-not in a bad way, but it has taken time. Yesterday, when I had finally knotted the stitch on the last one, I was so very excited-until I opened up my fold and realized that I had stitched the very last one on backwards. All my knot work and loose threads were showing on the face of my rug. My first thought after the initially disappointing realization was "I wonder if it will look bad if I just leave it like that." I flipped the rug back and forth, squinting a little, tucking in knots and threads, trying to make the obvious defect seem "not quite so bad." I finally decided that the best thing to do, indeed what must be done was to unstitch that last rug and sew it back properly. I was less than eager as I sat down today with my scissors to undo my previous work. But as I worked two things became clear to me...how often our spiritual lives are just like this. It is so very important what we do in a moment. I am a firm believer in Grace. I cling to the love and mercy of my Abba in heaven. I know that He understands me and He forgives and cleanses away my mistakes, my sins. But I think it can become easy to mistake grace for no consequence. But there is always a consequence...it's physics. And though we can always ask for forgiveness (and of course, we are going to need to in life), there is something to be said for not having to. It is so much better to hold our tongue and keep our peace than to go back and apologize for words or deeds that can't be taken back. The time and materials I used yesterday are gone and I cannot recall them. We should strive to do things the right way the first time and thank YHVH for grace when we do not. And the second thing I realized was how instant and natural the desire to cover over a mistake instead of rectifying it. How soon do we learn this? What makes us so...lazy? I am glad I have decided to fix my mistake. Even if no one else noticed it, I would always have known it was there and leaving it would have cheapened all my other labor...the hundreds of correct stitches I made. It is not fun to go back and try to fix a problem you have made. But acknowledgement and effort bring a freshening and a maturity that is really impossible to come by any other way. Long one short; life, time, materials, relationships-be careful with them. Stay open and have the humility and the strength to try to ammend your mistakes. I think remembering these two things will make for a much sweeter life. Definitly better looking, homemade rugs!

While Cub Sleeps

Who Is My Neighbor?

Have you ever heard of "intentional communities"? Neither had I, until recently, when a friend of mine introduced me to the concept. Intentional communities are made up of people who are convicted to live a life of voluntary service in and among the poor and disadvantaged. It is far beyond charity, it is pure relationship. There is such a community in the city where I live, and yesterday, my friend invited me to come and see for myself, what it was all about. Friday nights are for community meals. So, between getting my house cleaned, doing my laundry and getting Cub down for his nap (twice) I managed to bake a batch of cookies and google directions to where I needed to be. From the address, I knew that it was in a "sketch" part of town. And when I pulled past the place, looking for a parking space, I have to say my first thought was "What the h-e-double hockey sticks am I doing here??" All I saw were faces of people, with whom, it seemed obvious, that I had little in common with. I got out of my van, slipped cub into my sling, grabbed my plate of cookies and set off down the sidewalk. I felt very awkward as I approached the house. I scanned the yard quickly for my friend. I did not see him and so I decided that the best thing to do was to make myself at home. I introduced myself to a lady named Joanie...she and her husband with their young children have made the decision to follow what they believe to be the call of God on their lives and live in a place and among people that are very different from their own culture, ethnicity and social background. And then there was a man there, with a beautiful little girl and he knew me from my days working in a health food store. It didn't take long for me to feel that I was among familiar people...that common ground is as easy to find as saying "hello". I ate good food, met good people, had a good time talking about scripture, gardens, chickens, backgrounds. I stayed there, with my friends, old a new, until it started to rain. Cub and I walked back down the sidewalk, got back in our van and drove back to our world. Back under our own roof and our four walls I felt a happiness knowing that "mission work" isn't always about traveling to some far away country. Sometimes the people who need to be reached are as close as the neighborhood you don't want to drive through and the person to change the most is the one in your bathroom mirror.

http://hyaets.org/about.html

"Unfurnished"

Starting my garden this year has taught me several important lessons, one of them being to make a plan and get started on it early. So, here, in the middle of July, I am trying to work out a plan for making Cub a quilt. I wanted to use some of his baby clothes, my worn nursing and pregnancy clothes and other such nostalgic fabrics. It is pretty ambitious for me...but another thing I have learned from gardening is that difficulty or inexperience are not always good reasons to not DIVE RIGHT IN! So, I have looked at several styles and patterns and I think I've settled on the one above. It is called "Unfurnished" and was designed by Ashley Williamson of Film in the Fridge for Robert Kaufman Fabrics. I love it! It is so lively and geometric. It is everything I think a quilt should be yet there's nothing, hmmm, grandma, about it (no offense Nana). And I think it will grow with Cub. What do you think? Where my quilters at? I am gonna' need some advice, I am sure! Check out more ideas here: http://www.robertkaufman.com/quilting/

Slow Down

I am very much over my cell phone. Texting is wonderful and I admit that there is a certain sense of security in knowing that I have an instant and portable means of communication...but, maybe I want to send and receive a letter in the mail...maybe I want to remember phone numbers by heart. Maybe I want to sit in one spot and have a conversation without multitasking with a 3"x 4" pc of hot, radiating plastic stuck to my ear...maybe I want to take my time and appreciate yours just a little better...maybe...I will get one of those rotary phones, with a real ring instead of those dinky electronic beats...now wouldn't that be nice. Brrring-ring-ring! "It's the good life calling to tell you to slow down." :)

More Than Streets of Gold

the more i get my hands in the dirt
the more i find and understand and know
that really it is me
i am the one
who is growing
pushing up higher
stretching for the Son of Your Love

my roots go deeper, seeking that which is essential
hidden in the dark it seems
i am clearing away to find what is
simple
this simple thing
this
thing
this...realness
that i draw up, like water from
the black earth,
flows from me in sweat and in tears
this work is pure
and right
but even as the green shoots have come up
even as leaves and tendrils and blooms unfurl
i know the earth is turning away
i know that all the vibrancy
will fade to brown and grey
what i need most still seems to elude me...

i want all the weeds cleared away
i want to know the nature and taste of the fruit of my life
i want to lay hold of You
and pass You out
in spilling handfuls
unfading
everlasting
real
this is what i want
more than anything
You here
my hands Yours
turning and giving
the abundance of forever

The Giver, Not The Gift

Yesterday I was feeding Liam some sweet potato. He was really enjoying it and as I was giving him a spoonful I noticed how he was gazing at me as I fed him, his eyes bright and beaming with intent trust. His eyes never looked at the spoon or the bowl, but stayed soley on me; watching my expressions sure that whatever I was giving him was good. It reminded me of somthing I read about a certain Native American culture, that when they recieved a gift, they did not open or inspect it in front of the giver, but looked into their eyes and expressed deep gratitude. Sometimes I think I forget that...it's not the gift that is important. It is the giver. The heart of someone who exerts effort to bless you, to help you, to care for you...that is something of great value.

Sunday Morning

1. Change wet diaper and doze off for a few more minutes as my toddler nurses


2. Fully wake to smiling toddler who scoots out of bed ready to go


3. See Daddy off to church


4. Put together dry ingredients for chocolate chip cookies and set out eggs and butter


5. Enjoy breakfast of fresh fruit and vanilla yogurt with my little one


6. Remove my little one's diaper and let him "air out" while he spikes his football


7. Mix color and add another layer to the painting I am working on


8. Hear little one grunting...get a diaper on him just in time! ;)


9. Rinse brush and stand back to get a look of my painting. More pleased with the way it is turning out.


10. Change diaper


11. Get little one dressed


12. Nurse


13. Get myself dressed


14. Look out back window and ponder what to do about a trellis for my sweet peas (which seem to have grown an inch or so over night)


15. Head to health food store for alkaline water and baking yeast


16. Get back home give little one a snack


17. Mix cookie dough and turn on oven


18. Nurse little one and get him down for his nap


19. Take a deep breath...Daddy will be home soon.