Throw Me a Lifeline

This post is a formal and heartfelt apology to every mother and child I ever judged before I became a mom.  I would like to say, with greatest sincerity "I am sorry, so very sorry. And moreover, I. Was. Wrong.  To every mother whom I judged as being inadequate for not disciplining (and by disciplining I mean "tanning the hide" of) her tired, tearful and yes, even, raging toddler. For every inner scoff at the oft given reason/apology for behavior I found unacceptable "He's tired.  She missed her nap.  He's probably just hungry."  For every irritated face scrunch to exaggerate my displeasure over the noisy tot at the next table over in the restaurant.  For every policing stare given to mothers whose children were not properly strapped into the seat of the shopping cart, but riding shotgun in the place that the GROCERIES are supposed to go.  For everytime I thought that every baby was supposed to like every adult and tolerate being handled whether they liked it or not.  Because they were babies, dang it.  For every parent whom I thought, in my abject ignorance, had failed to show their kids just WHO was BOSS, thereby making my very important life more pleasant...again I say I am sorry and I was WRONG.  I was wrong to think that my experience at the grocery store or the restaurant was any more important than yours.  If I had taken the time to notice, I would have seen that my displeasure (misplaced and obtrusive) probably made a difficult situation more difficult and made you focus on how you APPEARED and what total strangers were thinking of you and your child, instead of the need of the moment...your child's distress and the best way to handle it.  It never occured to me as I sat in the restaurant that as a single woman, I could go out to eat anytime I pleased, but that for you and your family, eating out was an orchestrated event. Just making it to the table was a feat of coordination, pacification, timing, patience and planning.  It never occurred to me that maybe my condescending attitude was ruining YOUR dining experience. To all the moms who let their kids ride shotgun in the grocery cart...YOU WERE DOING THE RIGHT THING.  If that is the only place your child would sit, without crying, or pulling everything off the shelves, if that is what it took to gain 10 peaceful minutes in which to get your groceries or just 10 minutes of down time while you walked the aisles with no fire to put out, then yeah, you did the right thing.  And I salute you for doing it despite my condemning glare.  Instructions on that stupid seat flap thingy (which never stays down anyway) be hanged.

Now that I am a mom, I know much better.  My tot is rude.  He doesn't smile at everyone and loudly protests being held  when he doesn't wish it.  He spares no one's feelings.  Imagine that.  That said, he is a very sweet child, UNLESS, he is tired or he has missed his nap or he is hungry.  And I find myself saying this a lot...I know, I know .  I have no time to try and show him just who is boss.  I am too busy being the boss, which means being patient when I'm out of patience, taking care of his needs when I have needs of my own and looking for peaceable solutions that keep us both sane.  Nope, no time for power games.  When my face is hot from embarrassment because Cub is tuning up for a big cry and yanking up my shirt IN THE CHECK-OUT LINE, because he is tired and hungry and wants to nurse RIGHT NOW, and I can't decide if I should pay with cash or fumble around for the debit card and end up pulling out the credit card because "OH MY GOSH, WHERE IS MY DEBIT CARD?!!"  And the teen-aged cashier and the lady behind me in heels and a savvy pant suit just.can't. relate...I remember being like them. I remember only having to be concerned with myself.  Now I am not judging them, nor would I want to trade places with them.  But it does remind me...to stay humble.  Some days I am just hanging on for dear life.  And I know other moms are too.  I still try to make eye contact with mamas with, shall we say, difficult, children.  But it's not so that I can ice them with my stare and make them conform.  It's so I can throw them a life-line...tell them how beautiful their little one is and what a wonderful job they are doing.  I don't expect that the world will stop for me and Cub, shift to accommodate our needs.  But, the world shouldn't expect moms, dads, kids to accommodate it though.  I realize that now.  And, I dare say, I am a better person for it.  Certainly a better mom.